Where's my snare, I have no snare in my headphones, there ya' go, yeah, yo', yo'...

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have, i've been protested and demonstrated
against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin',
tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but
they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama,
i'ma make you look so ridiculous now...

[CHORUS]

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm
cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...

I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me
inside my coffin and close it, i'ma expose it, i'll take you back to '73, before I ever had a
multi-platinum sellin' Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father
must have had his pantie's up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,
no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I
couldn't picture leavin' her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it
work with her at least for Hailie's sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i'm only human, but i'm
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id'a killed 'em, shit I would have shot
Kim and him both, it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the Eminem show...

[CHORUS]

Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen for you
think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision wit
a41
nessin'
your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'
through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of
Munchausen's syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grew
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it, wasn't it the reason you made
that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your
gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna
know that your phoney, and Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful, but
you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won't
admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom, but how dare
you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in
hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess
what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...

[CHORUS]

(scratches) 
CHORUS: 
Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)... 
my name is... Slim Shady 
Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)... 
my name is... Slim Shady (2x) 
Ahem...excuse me! 
Can I have the attention of the class for one second... 
Hi kids! Do you like violence? (yeah yeah yeah!) 
Wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? (uh 
huh!) 
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (yeah yeah!) 
Try 'cid and get fucked up worse than my life is? (huh?) 
My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight 
But I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate (Ummmm..) 
Dr. Dre said: "Slim Shady you a basehead..." 
Uh-uhhh! "Then why's ya face red, man you wasted..." 
Well since age 12 I've felt like I'm someone else 
Cuz I hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt 
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off 
And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris 
Kross 
I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass 
Faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast 
C'mere slut! (Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!) 
I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off 
CHORUS 
My English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high 
Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be 35 
I smacked him in his face with an eraser 
Chased him with a stapler 
And stapled his nuts to a stack of paper (O!) 
Walked in a strip club, had my jacket zipped up 
Flashed the bartender and stuck my dick in the tip cup (Wsssshhhhh...) 
Extraterrestrial, running over pedestrians 
In a space ship while they're screamin' at me: "LET'S JUST BE 
FRIENDS!" 
99% of my life I was lied to 
I just found out my mom does more dope than I do 
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper 
Make a record about doin' drugs and name it after her (Oh thank you!) 
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands 
To try to touch your hands like some screamin' Usher fans (Aaahhhhhh!) 
This guy in White Castle asked for my autograph 
So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE! 
CHORUS 
Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!) 
Dr. Dre don't just stand there, OPERATE! 
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to di
19bd
e 
I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive 
Am I comin' or goin'? I can barely decide, 
I just drank a fifth of vodka...dare me to drive? (Go 'head.) 
All my life I was very deprived 
I ain't had a woman in years, my palms are too hairy to hide 
Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk 
I spit when I talk, I'll fuck anything that walks (C'mere.) 
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits 
HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? YOU AIN'T GOT NO TITS! 
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed 
Put a bulleproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!) 
I'm steamin' mad (Arrrggghhh!) 
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah.) 
Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had 
CHORUS to fade out

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like ya never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
And started whooping her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture
It's the return of the...
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, he just didn't say what I think he did, did
he?"
And Dr. Dre said...
Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!
Feminist women love Eminem
Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But the worse is what's going on in your parents' bedroom
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My mama's on your lips, my mama's on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals"
Well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote
Women wave your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes

Chorus:
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records
Well I do so "F*ck him and f*ck you too!"
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone s
1e0b
tand 
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
Shit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear them argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world
how you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Cuss like me; just don't give a f*ck like me   
Dress like me; walk, talk and act like me 
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

Repeat Chorus

I'm like a head trip to listen to cuz I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at all
I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it
I just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out there
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off or jerkin'
Said I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don't give a f*ck!"
With his windows down and the system up
So will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Verse #1]
These ideas are nightmares for white parents
Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings
Like whatever they say has no bearing
Its so scary in a house that allows no swearing
To see him walking around with his headphones blaring
Alone in his own zone, cold and he dont care
He's a problem child, what bothers him all comes out
When he talks about his fuckin' dad walkin out
Cos he hates him so bad that he blocks him out
But if he ever saw him again, he'd prolly knock him out
His thoughts are whacked, he's mad so he's talkin' back
Talkin black, brainwashed from rock and rap
He sags his pants, 2 rags and a stocking cap
His step-father hit him so he socked him back
And broke his nose, this house is a broken home
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
Come on... 

[Chorus:]
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me,just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away 

[Verse #2]
Entertainment is danger, intertwine it with gansters
In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum
Only you're unholy, only have one homey
Only this gun, lonely, cuz don't anyone know me
But everybody just feels like they can relate
I guess words are a motherfucker, they can be great
Or they can be great, or even worse, they can teach hate
Its like kids hang on every single statement we make
Like they worship us, plus all the stores ship us platinum
Now how the fuck did this metamorphasis happen?
From standin' on corners and porches just rappin'
To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ass
But then these critics crucify you, journalists try to burn you
Fans turn on you, attorney's all gonna turn it to
To get their hands on every dime you have
They want you to lose your mind every time you mad
So they can try to make you out to look like a loose canon
You need to spew, dont hesitate to produce air-guns
Thats why these prosecutors wanna convict me
Swiftly just to get me offa these streets quickly
But all their kids been listen'n to me religiously
So i'm signing cds while police fingerprint me
They're for the judges daughter, but his grudge is against me
If i'm such a f
c88
uckin' menace, this shit doesnt make sense, Pete
It's all political, if my music is literal and i'm a criminal,
How the fuck can i raise a little girl?
I couldn't. i wouldn't be fit to
You're full of shit too, Guerrera, that was a fist that hit you! 

[Chorus]

[Verse #3]
They say music can alter moods and talk to you
But can it load a gun for you and cock it too?
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault, and i'll get sued
See what these kids do, is hear about us toting pistols
And they want to get one, cos they think the shit's cool
Not knowin' we're really just protectin' ourselves
We're entertainers, of course this shit's affecting our sales
You ignoramus. but music is reflection of self
We just explain it, and then we get our cheques in the mail
It's fucked up ain't it, how we can come from practically nothin'
To bein' able to have any fuckin' thing that we wanted
It's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing
Except for a dream and a fucking rap magazine
Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long
Idolise their favourite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives
So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die
Till they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe
We're nothing to you, but we're the fuckin' shit in their eyes
That's why we sieze the moment, and try to freeze it and own it
Squeeze it and hold it, 'cos we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on, through out lyrics that you hear in our songs
And we can 

[Chorus]

[Chorus Without Beat]

[Instrumental]

[Dido]
My tears gone cold, I'm wonderin' why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds at my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could, it would all be great
To put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

My tears gone cold, I'm wonderin' why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds at my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could, it would all be great
To put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

Dear Slim,
I wrote you but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in Autumn
You must not have got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up man, how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'mma call her?
I'mma name her Bonnie
I read about your uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Scam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Ruckus too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat
Truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

[Dido]
My tears gone cold, I'm wonderin' why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds at my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could, it would all be great
To put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

Dear Slim,
You still ain't called or wrote
I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't want to talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to but you could have signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you
For four hours and ya just said no
That's pretty shitty man, you're like his fucking idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I write you
You would write back
See, I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
Cause I don't really got shit else
So that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growing up
You've gotta call me man
I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours,
Stan
P.S. We should be together too

[Dido]
My tears gone cold, I'm wonderin' why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds at my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could, it would all be great
To put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

Dear Mr. 'I'm too good to call or write my fans'
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word
I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect.
So this is my cassette I'm sending you. I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, "I drank a fifth of vodka, ya dare me to drive?"
You know that song by Phil Collins from "The Air In The Night"?
About that guy who could have saved that other guy from drowning?
But didn't?
Then Phil saw it all then at his show he found him?
That's kinda how this is
You could have rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late
I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all o' your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we could have been together
Think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscious eats at you and you can't breathe without me
See Slim, shut up bitch, I'm try-na talk
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
'Cause if she suffocates, she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?

[Dido]
My tears gone cold, I'm wonderin' why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds at my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could, it would all be great
To put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

Dear Stan,
I meant to write you sooner, but I've just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
And here's an autograph for your brother
I wrote it on a Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must have missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally, just to diss you
But what's the shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin' dawg, come on, how fucked up is you?
You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin'
To help your ass from bouncin' off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other.
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
Or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter
I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself
I think that you'd be doin' just fine
If you'd relax a little
I'm glad that I inspire you, but Stan
Why are you so mad?
Try to understand that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
And had his girlfriend in the trunk and she was pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a tape but it didn't say who it was to
Come to think about it, his name was, it was you
Damn